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Dilbert's
words of wisdom
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Tell
me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without
it. |
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Accept
that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue. |
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Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't
there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them
again. |
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I
don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem. |
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Last
night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and
I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling
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My
reality check bounced. |
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On
the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape
key.
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I
don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
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You
are slower than a head of turtles stampeding through peanut
butter.
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Do
not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy
and taste good with ketchup.
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Everybody
is somebody else's weirdo.
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Never
argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then
beat you with experience.
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A
pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the
butt.
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Don't
irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. |
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After
any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the
month than you did before.
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The
more junk you put up with, the more junk you are going to get.
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You
can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. |
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Eat
one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you for the rest of the day. |
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When
bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking
about themselves. |
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If
at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being
a darn fool about it. |
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Everything
can be filed under "miscellaneous". |
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